Working with Trauma Free World has expanded my opportunities to walk with others as they find hope and healing for themselves and the people they care for.
Below is a story from our recent training in Africa. I have been given permission from my friend to share her story.
______________________
Hesitantly, she approached me from behind, tapping my shoulder while I packed up to leave. Our three-day conference was finished, and she had finally felt safe enough, felt brave enough, to share.
“I wanted to tell you my story. The training really impacted me.” She nervously fumbled some folded slips of paper. “Will you read it? I wrote it. I can’t say it.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “You see… my son….”
I turned around and reached for the paper as tears formed in the corners of her eyes.
And tears formed in mine as I read.
Orphaned.
Abandoned.
Thought she found love. It was a lie. Pregnant at 16.
She dropped out of high school and moved away from her familiar environment to the home of a distant relative. In her new home, she worked from early morning to late at night, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, hauling water.
And every day she was verbally shamed, physically battered, and emotionally abused.
Her system of value, built on a foundation of maltreatment, echoed across the chasms of her mind. She was unloved, unwanted, shameful, worthless, and it was her own fault.
This internal pain leaked out in anger towards the only one in her world more vulnerable than she, and her own child bore the brunt of her hurt. Daily, she unleashed years of neglect and abuse onto her son.
The cycle of abuse, staring me down, and daring us both to stop the madness.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
When she finally found her voice, she spoke at me, rapidly, pleadingly, “I didn't know... I didn't know what I was doing. I was just hurting so much. I was only thinking about myself. My son is 13 now. He is finishing exams at boarding school and then we’ll be together for the next two months. Is it too late? I’ve seriously hurt him. How will I recover what I never gave him when he was young? What should I do?”
I didn’t answer her questions. I didn't really need to. She was beginning to talk it out. She was looking for validation that, though it would be hard, it would be worth it to make steps towards healing her relationship with her son. She was looking for hope.
There. Is. Always. Hope.
Even in the darkest hole, the deepest night, the worst pain, the impossible, there is hope, because Jesus is right there. There's no guarantee it will be fixed, or made right, or be miraculously saved. But there is hope in not being alone. There is hope because Jesus is there in relatable and meaningful ways to sit with us in our pain and be present with us in darkness. There is hope because the Holy Spirit is the Comforter and there is nothing that we need more than comfort in such times.
I took a deep breath and we prayed together for healing for both of them.
They have tough days ahead as they wrestle through their tangled histories. There’s a LOT to heal. It won't look perfect in the end but I do believe they'll both take a step forward and the next generation will look different.
It was so honoring to be present to listen to her story. I believe in a God who intervenes at the right time and brings awareness of our brokenness and provides a path towards healing. He has done it for me, and I believe and pray He will do it for my friend and her son.
Her humility, honesty, and courage in sharing her story were a reminder to me of the importance of relationships. While our deepest wounding happens in relationships, we also find profound healing in relationships. I have found this to be true in my own life and have witnessed it in the lives of others as well.
Repairing broken relationships and rebuilding trust takes time. It takes patience. It takes consistent effort in building safe spaces and it takes persistent, intentional love. It requires grieving through loss and processing through pain, bit by bit. It takes forgiveness and acceptance. It is a long road - a very, long road. Yes, there are times when it ends up being more healing to part ways. There are also times when a broken relationship is restored and the scars make it more beautiful in the end.
Every labored forward step of the journey down the road towards healing is significant and worth it.
No matter what, every labored forward step of the journey down the road towards healing is significant and worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment